One Giant Leap!

The time has come to make it official ... hahahaha  Ok no really, I'm serious.  Seriously freaking out because this the furthest out of my comfort zone I've ever been.

I've become a Beach Body Coach

I've done direct sales in the past but it was easy to sell that product.  How is this different?  Well yeah, its selling a product but the reality is its more selling me.  About my journey.  About how I'm trying to improve on my health.  For myself.  For my family.  I need to start focusing on being around for the long haul.  Unfortunately at my age I've already known too many who have passed young.  I know that when its our time, there is nothing we can do.  But I'll be damned if I help the process along.

If you don't follow Shakeology in social media check out the Instagram and Facebook

Today the IG account had this

Something that I felt was very appropriate as I'm trying to change my mindset for the better!

May not look appealing now but this morning my Cafe Latte shake gave me the boost I needed to start off a Monday AND get in all the yummy nutrients I don't normally have.

This is my journey. I'm a mom.  I work full time.  I do the normal mad dash from work, to pick up kids, to home and make dinner, homework, bath & bed.  This is my journey of finding time for ME  to work out (which as a beginner SUCKS but its a necessary evil).  This is my journey to finally carve out time that doesn't involve sticky whiny children and an exhausted husband.  And who knows, maybe one day I'll get that husband of mine to join me!

So follow me on my journey .. I'll post pics along the way on My Instagram Account and more details here on the blog.

What is your vision?

I was recently asked this question.  You see the big change in my life is that I have become part of The Beach Body team!  The idea is to eventually build a team but for now my focus needs to be on me and my health.  Can you believe I said focus on me?  Honestly that's something I NEVER do and it's sad to say, I think I've forgotten how to.  The last 17 years have been great as a mom but my focus has entirely been on that.  Every last penny I had went to them.  I currently have a fully time job and one of my New Year's Resolutions was to spend something on myself from each paycheck.  Doesn't have to be alot, just something.  Sounds easy right?  Not necessarily.  I get anxious that something else will suffer.

Over the years I've thought about going back to school.  Trying to better myself, but it never came about.  Then the guilt would always sit in if I were about to hit "PAYMENT" for classes.  I've become the stereo typical mom - I'm all about everyone else and not myself.

So what's my vision?  Well for now my vision is me.  My vision is drinking my Shakeology and watching what I eat.  It does involve exercise but I'm sick and balance is off so that will have to wait.  Truth be told I'm dreading that part.  But baby steps, right??

I can happily announce that in one week, drinking Shakeology every day for breakfast.  Watching what I eat but also snacking.  I've tried to make more of an effort to make healthy choices and eat smaller portion.  As i said, due to being sick I had only one yoga work out - and even that wasn't a "full" one ..... all in all, it equaled a 1.6lb loss!  Not bad in my book!  Yes I know it could have been better but I refuse to focus on that.  Change the mind set to focus on the positive!!!

Change is Scary

We all know change is scary, but I have to say I'm really scared right now.  I'm starting on a new journey as a Beachbody Coach.  The initial part is I need to focus on me.  As a mom, this is something I've really never done.  I know I NEED to in order to improve my health - because as we all know we want to do what we can to be around for the long haul for our kids.  I have used the Shakeology shakes in the past but never ventured into the world of Coaching.  So now, as I begin the journey of working on ME, I thought I'd give it a try.

What's scary is failing.  I've tried other diets in the past and failed.  I've tried to convince myself to work out in the past and failed.  I've tried other direct sales businesses in the past and failed.  Honestly, succeeding in the business is just an added bonus for me.  My health needs to change.  My weight is affecting my asthma as well as a knee issue I've had.  I want to be able to run around with my kids.

I also want to have fun shopping again.  Seriously, I'm down to the bear minimum (even the shirt in the picture below is a left over maternity one!).  Going into a store and seeing a cute top on a maniquin and then trying it on?  Um not so cute in my size.  I want to feel comfortable in my skin again.  ESPECIALLY as I'm getting older.

But what's different now is my mind-set.  From the beginning of the year I've felt I really need to work on my outlook on life and overall attitude.  I've been trying to read various books but at the end of the day I feel like if I get back on track with my faith then things will start to turn around.  Right now I'm reading Reshaping It All by Candice Cameron Bure (you remember, DJ Tanner from Full House!).  She wears her heart on her sleeve so I'm hoping the book will work as a guide in getting into a better mind-set.

So here I am, in all my glory, putting it all out there!  My "starting" picture.  Sorry I'm not brave enough to tell you my starting weight.  Maybe one day .....

Life Changes

Call it a mid-life crisis (I'm almost 44 mind you), just tired with life or being at a cross roads, but recently I've been feeling the need to make changes.  I've been gravitating more towards "self help" and positive outlook books.  Most recently I finished up The Energy Bus.  I borrowed it from the library but I think I may order a hard copy for myself so I can highlight/mark up meaningful parts.

Hubs and I are also focused on making financial changes in our lives and have put ourselves on a tight budget.  Goals have been set for the next year (the biggest being buying a house) and we are working on how to reach them.

In addition to these changes, I need to make changes for myself.  Not just my mind, but my body as well.

I need to start working on myself not just as a wife and mom, but as a woman.  As me.  Too many times as a wife and mom we put everyone else's needs ahead of our own.  I know, I know, this isn't news and I'm certainly not the first woman to say these things.  But I'm losing myself.  Well really, I've lost myself.

I'm not a very good writer and in fact most times I wonder what I AM good at.  But I've promised myself I'm going to work at documenting this road we're on as a family and for myself.

How about a little about myself as I being this new journey .... I'm 44 years old.  I've been married to Hubs for 7 years but we have known each other for a very long time before that.  We often say a mutual friend of ours, who passed away 2 years before we began dating, brought us together.  An angel on our side.   Together we have two amazing little men and I have a beautiful grown teen from a prior relationship.  I've worked as an assistant in a large law firm for 24 years.  The people around me are great but as each year passes I feel like its not enough.  But as we all know, the bills never stop coming.  One goal in my life is to be able to provide for my family doing something meaningful.

Giving Tuesday & Kimberly Williams Paisley

I've been reading Where the Light Gets In by Kimberly Williams Paisley.  Her mom had Primary Progressive Aphasia which is a rare form of Dementia.

Seriously when I say I felt such a connection to Kim and her story - it isn't an overstatement.  Even down to the personal stories about her moms behavior, I felt they were mine in similarity.

I feel like I finally am reading a book where someone GETS it.

That said, only tomorrow is Giving Tuesday.  In reading Kim's book I began reading various sites (some I've already been to, but started reading in a different light) and it has made me appreciate what I have that much more.  So after all the "thankfuls" of Thanksgiving, the shopping madness of Black Friday, let's remember to give back.

Some of my favorites are listed below:

St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital

Michael J. Fox Foundation

Alzheimer's Foundation

Thanksgiving

Its a time for reflection on so many levels.  We're all grateful for the obvious ... our family, our health. While I'm thankful for all that, to be honest I'm just thankful to have made it through another year.

Hubs and I have had our ups and downs, but that's marriage, right?  For better or worse.

Its funny, when it comes to Big Sister, I've always said "i'm lucky in that we never seemed to hit the 'i hate you' stage in the life of a teen.  That changed this year.  Alot has changed in our relationship and I just hope and pray for the day when things will be good again.

The boys are such boys.  I know some will cringe at that statement, but its true of mine.  They are definitely boys boys.  They love to rough and tumble.  Tools.  Trucks.  Cars. Blocks.  Now that Little Man is 1yo (where DID that first year go?!) they can play together to an extent.  Little Man isn't physically that "little" so he has the upper hand at times, and Middle Man is gentle with him.  Not always a good combo.

In the last year I have learned (moreso) that family isn't necessarily blood.  And blood doesn't make you better.  Blood doesn't guarantee you will have support when you need it most.  You get help where ever you can.

In the last year Alzheimer's has managed to scare me more and more.  I"m almost jealous of friends whose parents have passed because its worse to have my mom physically sitting there but its not her.  There is a certain spot on my walk home where I used to call my mom to check in.  I avoid that block as much as i can but sometimes I'm on auto pilot and I find myself there.  The emotions are overwhelming.  I missing being able to talk to her, especially now when life feels like a roller coaster.

When Big Sister was little I started to keep a journal for her.  One day when I'm gone the book will be hers   It started out as a project for her, but in time it came to be more for me.  I'm thankfully I carried on the tradition for Middle Man, and now Little Man as well.  I do have to get better at writing in them.  If one day I'm not able to tell them their stories myself, at least they have my words to read.

I would be lying if it didn't scare the hell out of me each time I forget something.  You would too if it affected you mom, her sister, possibly their mom and 2 of their cousins.

This year I am trying to focus more on the day, than the food.  Its just us, which is something I treasure since the holidays can be so crazie.  I've printed out some coloring sheets and crafts so in the afternoon after we've watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, we can have some together time.

What memories will you create and be Thankful for this year?

Night One, the beginning of ALZ

Guilt is setting in - not sure if I can do this.  I know its all in my head.  I can and will pull myself together but my heart was breaking last night.


Anyone who knows me or my family will know that we are chatty - hell my mother would always talk to people standing in line near her when I was growing up and it used to mortify me.  Now I do the same in return to my daughter!  To sit next to her and have her quiet kills me.


Any caregiver will tell you that you will always second guess yourself - and officially a month into this and I can't count how many times I've done it.  Its a full time job and I wonder how I'm going to pull it off with a FULL TIME job, two kids and a husband.


We saw a second nursing home yesterday, one that also has a day program and I felt like God was leading me to an answer.  I was desperate and Hubs suggested looking up the home he used to work in (doing security at night to pay for our wedding) - two clicks and the adult program was staring me in the face.  A possible answer to my prayers.


After leaving the home we picked mom up and brought her to our house - she was quiet all evening.  Went to bed, got up.  Went to bed, off to the bathroom.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Sat on the couch and told me maybe this wasn't a good idea and she should sleep at home from now own :(  Her knitting does seem to be a life saver and helps alleviate the anxiety.  I don't want to see her doped up but I think that the doctor needs to give her more anti-anxiety meds, especially if we do end up moving her to our home.


It sounds cruel to say, but since things are progressing so fast I almost hope she'd qualify for the nursing home sooner rather than later.  Anything I've read has said keep to routine, keep to the familiar.  Could moving her to our home only to go to a nursing home be harder? Unfortunately there is no way to know - there goes that second guessing again.


I'd like to say maybe tonight will be better, but I know not to get my hopes up.  I'm reading Staying Afloat in a Sea of Forgetfulness.  The author was his father's caretaker and talked about how he had to become such a light sleeper because dad would wonder.  Last night I had a glimpse of that world ....