Thanksgiving

Its a time for reflection on so many levels.  We're all grateful for the obvious ... our family, our health. While I'm thankful for all that, to be honest I'm just thankful to have made it through another year.

Hubs and I have had our ups and downs, but that's marriage, right?  For better or worse.

Its funny, when it comes to Big Sister, I've always said "i'm lucky in that we never seemed to hit the 'i hate you' stage in the life of a teen.  That changed this year.  Alot has changed in our relationship and I just hope and pray for the day when things will be good again.

The boys are such boys.  I know some will cringe at that statement, but its true of mine.  They are definitely boys boys.  They love to rough and tumble.  Tools.  Trucks.  Cars. Blocks.  Now that Little Man is 1yo (where DID that first year go?!) they can play together to an extent.  Little Man isn't physically that "little" so he has the upper hand at times, and Middle Man is gentle with him.  Not always a good combo.

In the last year I have learned (moreso) that family isn't necessarily blood.  And blood doesn't make you better.  Blood doesn't guarantee you will have support when you need it most.  You get help where ever you can.

In the last year Alzheimer's has managed to scare me more and more.  I"m almost jealous of friends whose parents have passed because its worse to have my mom physically sitting there but its not her.  There is a certain spot on my walk home where I used to call my mom to check in.  I avoid that block as much as i can but sometimes I'm on auto pilot and I find myself there.  The emotions are overwhelming.  I missing being able to talk to her, especially now when life feels like a roller coaster.

When Big Sister was little I started to keep a journal for her.  One day when I'm gone the book will be hers   It started out as a project for her, but in time it came to be more for me.  I'm thankfully I carried on the tradition for Middle Man, and now Little Man as well.  I do have to get better at writing in them.  If one day I'm not able to tell them their stories myself, at least they have my words to read.

I would be lying if it didn't scare the hell out of me each time I forget something.  You would too if it affected you mom, her sister, possibly their mom and 2 of their cousins.

This year I am trying to focus more on the day, than the food.  Its just us, which is something I treasure since the holidays can be so crazie.  I've printed out some coloring sheets and crafts so in the afternoon after we've watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, we can have some together time.

What memories will you create and be Thankful for this year?