As an only child you know the time will eventually come where you have to carry the load yourself and switch roles from being the "child" to being the "parent". But its not something you can ever truly be prepared for. Even as the parent gets older, you know the time is sooner rather than later, yet you don't want to believe it will happen. It does. And let me tell you, this is when being an only child truly sucks. More than you'll ever know if you aren't an "only".
My mom is in her early 80s (she'd kill me if she knew I wrote that so I REALLY won't write the specific number lol) and over the last five years I've noticed changes. She'd forget things here and there but it was nothing major. In the last year there has been a big difference and "the switch flipped" about a month ago. I seem to be always referring to the switch to place a time on when things drastically changed. Its something that has always been my fear because her sister was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's (and not the only one in the family). I write about the family connection because I really wonder about genetics. "They" say it doesn't play a part, but I don't know that I believe that. Of course that leads me to worry about the position my kids will be in with me down the road. Those are thoughts I have to put out of my head for now.
The "switch" happened like this .. I was at a doctor's appointment and missed a call from her. When I called her back she said she had been feeling "weird" but was ok now so never mind. K and I tried to call her back and she never answered which obviously scared the hell out of me. Eventually we found out she went for coffee with a neighbor/friend who was helping calm her down. A call was made to her primary doctor who asked her all the "usual" questions to see how far along she was with things. An appointment was then made for 12/23 with the neuro institute at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital - a day which can't come fast enough for me.
Since then there have been good days and bad days, although lately it feels more like bad moments and good moments. We have had a few times where she's called me very upset and confused. I can't imagine what that must feel like to her.
I get to make all the decisions and I am constantly second guessing myself. Hubs suggests we move her to live with us but everything I've read says that could do more harm than good.
We looked at a nursing home recently. It wasn't bad. But I couldn't believe this is where we are headed. My mom has always been so strong and independent that the idea of being dependent on me is so foreign. Once we were outside and on our way back to the car I had a break down. I have to say I'm truly blessed to have Hubs in my life because he quickly stepped up to the plate and said everything I needed/wanted to hear.
I'm checking out another home this week - it has an adult day care program that provides transportation. The idea of having someone in for a few hours in the evening hasn't gone over well but I need to keep pushing that.
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